When Anxiety Steals Joy

I’m getting married in 4 and a half months. I should be excited, mildly nervous and a little stressed. Instead I’m extremely anxious. I’m terrified of walking up the aisle and everyone looking at me. I’m terrified of saying my vows. I’m terrified of being the centre of attention. I’m terrified of the speeches and […]

Letters of Forgiveness: To a Lady I Worked For

To a lady I worked for, I was young. You were middle-aged. You were disabled. I was abled.  When I met you, my first impressions were; you were rude and had a chip on your shoulder. You offered me a job. I had my reservations. I was a student at university, desperate for extra cash. […]

But I Don’t Know How…

Growing up in a dysfunctional family is hard. Especially when somehow you grow up into a normal functional human, despite your background. People have high expectations of you. I feel more comfortable around dysfunctional people with addiction and violence issues than I do around healthy functional people. For instance I feel really uncomfortable and anxious […]

Letters of Forgiveness: To Myself

Dear me, Oh my goodness, you have fucked up so many times. But I’ve decided to forgive you. I know that no one is perfect. I know that you are learning. I know that you always do your best with the resources that you have at the time. I forgive you. I forgive you for […]

Letters of Forgiveness: To My Flatmate at University

To my Flatmate at University, When you first moved in I felt sorry for you. The other 4 of us were all good friends, and when we had a spare room and advertised it, you ended up moving in. I remember making a real effort to get to know you, seeing as you were “the […]

Re-victimisation

Re-victimisation, unfortunately, has consistent evidence. Up to 75% of adults that  experienced abuse as a child, also reported experiencing abuse as an adult. When I first entered therapy, I felt like I “attracted” people who were abusive, I described a series of thorny experiences. A therapist explained to me the concept of re-victimization and that […]

Breakthrough

I finally feel like I’ve had a bit of a breakthrough. After the last few weeks of feeling low, in energy, in mood and in general well-being, I woke up this morning feeling different, with a crescendo of energy and zest for life. The motivation I’ve been lacking lately, had finally evaporated off (a little […]