But I Don’t Know How…

Growing up in a dysfunctional family is hard. Especially when somehow you grow up into a normal functional human, despite your background. People have high expectations of you. I feel more comfortable around dysfunctional people with addiction and violence issues than I do around healthy functional people. For instance I feel really uncomfortable and anxious […]

Apology Letters: To All the Mother Figures

To all the mother figures, I’m sorry. I really need to apologise to you all. I yearned for a mother that was going to nurture me. My mother is an alcoholic and a narcissist. This left a gaping hole in my life as a child, teenager and young adult as I longed for someone to […]

Letters of Forgiveness: Dear Dad

Dear Dad, I forgive you. I forgive you for being an alcoholic and being unable to admit it. I forgive you for being in denial about your addiction. I forgive you for being unavailable to meet my needs when I was a child. I forgive you for never saying anything positive to me and for […]

Socialisation: On the Back Foot

At school, I was not very popular. I was a really weird kid, with terrible social skills. My Mother and Father are both alcoholics and spent the majority of my formative years drunk. During my degree at University, I took a class on child development. Something I read stood out to me;  children in their […]

Re-victimisation

Re-victimisation, unfortunately, has consistent evidence. Up to 75% of adults that  experienced abuse as a child, also reported experiencing abuse as an adult. When I first entered therapy, I felt like I “attracted” people who were abusive, I described a series of thorny experiences. A therapist explained to me the concept of re-victimization and that […]

Surrounded By People, Yet Feeling Alone

I remember being surrounded by people, but feeling totally alone. I had been sworn to secrecy my whole life by my parents, about their alcoholism. Even as a young adult that had left home, I was extremely frightened someone would find out. The problem is, I was solitary. Secrets make us sick. Secrets make us […]