Letters of Forgiveness: To a Lady I Worked For

To a lady I worked for,

I was young. You were middle-aged. You were disabled. I was abled. 

When I met you, my first impressions were; you were rude and had a chip on your shoulder. You offered me a job. I had my reservations. I was a student at university, desperate for extra cash. I told myself you wouldn’t effect me, your rudeness wouldn’t get to me.

It got to me.

It got to my self-confidence. Everything I did, you told me I did it wrong. You shouted at me, when I was only doing my best. You bullied me, belittled me and attempted to manipulate me.

You went days without speaking to me, would turn the other way when I looked at you and sigh and roll your eyes whenever I spoke to you.

Every day, riding to work on the bus, I felt anxious.

In the four months I worked for you, you never said anything positive to me. The insults and criticisms were countless.

I just wanted you to know, I forgive you. I forgive you, not because you deserve it, but because I deserve it.

All the best to you, wherever you are these days.




That Cliche NYD post

It’s cliche, sorry readers but I just need to gather my thoughts. I need to reflect on 2017 and instil some focus into 2018.


What went well:

I am doing a job that I enjoy after a particularly hard few years career wise.

I travelled to 10 different countries.

I gained some confidence with my social life.

I feel more energised, prior to 2017 I felt permanently exhausted.

My fiancè and I saved a lot of money.

What I could have done better:

I would do well eating healthily for awhile but then would slip into days of takeaways and treats.

Although I enjoy my job, I’ve taken quite a pay cut.

I have a lot of emotional issues that need sorting out but I ceased working on them because I lost hope that I could ever “get better”.


Work ons and focuses this year:

I am getting married in November, so my focus will be on wedding planning.

I need to make healthy eating a lifestyle.

Save even more money and travel more!

But I Don’t Know How…

Growing up in a dysfunctional family is hard. Especially when somehow you grow up into a normal functional human, despite your background. People have high expectations of you.

I feel more comfortable around dysfunctional people with addiction and violence issues than I do around healthy functional people.

For instance I feel really uncomfortable and anxious around my in-laws. My fiance’s family are loving kind people. Naive folk say to me “they’re nothing like your family you don’t need to project your anxiety onto them, they’re not going to hurt you like your parents do”. People don’t understand how hard it is for me to relate to my in-laws. I don’t know how to act around a normal family. I’m not used to it. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It just feels so foreign.

Every time I talk to my mother in law, I tense up.

People tell me to just enjoy being part of a normal family. I quietly respond by saying “But I don’t know how…”

Letters of Apology: To My Ex


To my ex,

Our two and a half year relationship was a complete disaster. We hurt each other so much.

I wanted to apologise.

I wanted you to know I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all the “fluff”, all the big long facebook posts about my love for you that were shallow and ungenuine. I think I was trying to convince the world that we were compatible (when we weren’t).

I’m sorry for staying with you when I knew in my heart it was wrong, I was scared of being alone.

I’m sorry for not making more of an effort with your family.

I’m sorry I couldn’t forgive you and I couldn’t move on from some big mistakes you made.

I’m sorry I tried to change you.

I’m sorry I felt abandoned by you when you weren’t really abandoning me.

I’m sorry I put so much pressure on you and on our relationship to work out.

I’m sorry I had unrealistic expectations of you.

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was angry.

I’m sorry and I wish you well whatever you’re doing now, wherever you are.




Letters of Apology: To Everyone I’ve Ever Bullied


To everyone I’ve ever bullied,

Yesterday I wrote a letter to this who’d bullied me. But I realised that in my 27 years of life, I’ve learned a lot about relationships and conflict. If I went back in time, I’d do a lot of things differently.

To the kids at school I wouldn’t play with because you were weird, I’m sorry. I now realise you were deeply courageous to stand out from the crowd, and I admire you.

To the boy at primary school I teased about your stutter, I’m sorry. I realised years later how hard it must have been for you to have that struggle and how I should have had more empathy.

To the girl at high school who had autism. I’m sorry for laughing at your quirks. I realised ten years later, when working with autistic kids that you must be autistic.

To anyone I ever verbally abused, I’m sorry. I wish I’d expressed my feelings about our conflict without attacking you personally.

To anyone else who felt rejected, excluded or bullied by me. I’m sorry. You deserved to be treated with respect.


Letters of Forgiveness: To All of the Bullies


To all of the bullies,

My childhood memories seem surreal, that your words and actions could shape who I  am and how I feel about myself today.

I wanted to release all the pain, the bitterness, the grudges.

I wanted you to know, I forgive you.

To the guy at intermediate school who called me a skunk everyday and once spat at me, I forgive you.

To the girls who were catty, spread rumours and talked behind my back, I forgive you.

To my cousin that called me names, made up lies about me and slapped me, I forgive you.

To my “friend” at intermediate that teased me about my acne, I forgive you.

To the girl who sat next to me in high school maths, who turned to me one day and randomly said in front of the class “I hate you”, I forgive you.

To the friend, who one day stopped talking to me and never told me why, I forgive you.

To the “friends” who made fun of me because I attended church, I forgive you.

To a girl in my dance class, who mercilessly teased me for 5 years, I forgive you.

To the girls at my primary school that excluded me, I forgive you.

To all the kids that verbally abused me and called me names, I forgive you.

To all of the bullies,
I forgive you.