A Bundle of Contradictions


I wish my anxiety could be finite. I’ve known it to be so for others. They’ve experienced a short bout of anxiety at some point in their life, and have stories of overcoming it. I’ve experienced anxiety off and on for 26 years (my whole life) and in the last few months it has really begun to make me frustrated. I wish I could shake it but I’ve tried so many things and it still remains.

Right now, I sit on a train on my way to a recruitment meeting about a job, because I’m really anxious about not working. However, I’m also really anxious about working; because even though
I have a degree, skills and experience; I get really bad anxiety that I’m incompetent and my colleagues are judging me. I feel as though I can’t win; I experience anxiety about not working, but an equal amount of anxiety about working.

I feel anxious about saving money but equally as anxious about not doing more fun things because they cost money.

My life feels like a bundle of contradictions.



7 thoughts on “A Bundle of Contradictions

  1. This is a big issue in my industry – some have coined it “impostor syndrome”. I get this sometimes, but you have to remember to be confident, and it’s amazing how far confidence goes in our society, someone far less “deserving” than you is confidently advancing higher than you in their career. The key is to use this to give yourself a sociopathic edge when you need it. .

    I’m in a similar boat as you, needing to take time away from a career as a programmer, but also feeling an anxiety about that. It’s a fine line to walk even if you’re doing ok financially. Good luck in the interview today.


  2. Oh dear, trust me, I do understand!! I suffer from bad anxiety and it’s not easy at all. I’m always anxious and worried about everything. There are so many contradictions for me as well. I know I’m a good teacher but I’m always worried that my colleagues think otherwise or that my students don’t like me. I’m always thinking I might not be good enough. My medication and lifestyle changes have actually been working at the moment, I’ve been doing better for the first time in years. I know some people don’t like medication, but there must be a combination of pills that will make you feel better. You just need to find the right doctor. If you ever need to talk, email me and we will chat.

    Liked by 1 person

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