Be Careful What You Wish For

image

I am confused, I sound confused and I am acting confused.

I have been wishing for most of my 26 years, that I would be able to handle my parents addiction better. Two years ago, I had the courage to make some changes, I set some boundaries and decided to do some hard work on myself, to stop me from continuing my lifestyle as a codependent.

In the last month, my mother (though still an addict), has begun to show me respect and is even respecting my boundaries. For the first time in my life, I feel like my life is drama-free……this is all I’ve wanted for the past 26 years and I’d always imagined this moment and how I thought I would savor it. Unfortunately, now it has come I don’t savor it at all, surprisingly, I don’t like it.

I don’t know how to live without her drama, without her abuse, without her putting me down. It feels uncomfortably peaceful. At my worst (in regards to this challenge), I thought about creating a drama in my life, so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Growing up with addicts was so chaotic that I learnt to live with it, I even learnt to like it. Now my next step is to learn to live without it, because I’m breaking the cycle and it starts with me.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/savor/

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Be Careful What You Wish For

  1. It’s good that you were able to establish boundaries and put yourself first. As someone with a codependent parent, sometimes it never feels easier but you’ll be able to cope better keeping the negativity at arm’s length.

    Like

  2. I’ve had a similar experience. I come from a LOUD family, I was used to life with constant noise. Once I was on my own, it felt TOO QUIET, I wasn’t used to the silence, it felt very uncomfortable. But then I found a new way… I started listening to some really good Podcasts, Audio books, music. What I realized is that the silence was giving me a chance to focus on my passion in life, focus on writing my blog, researching, etc. Suddenly I was enjoying the silence, because I had a purpose and I was focusing on learning. Podcasts and audio books are fantastic. Try it, you might find the stories you listen to liberating. Silence/peacefulness is GOOD.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s