I am confused, I sound confused and I am acting confused.
I have been wishing for most of my 26 years, that I would be able to handle my parents addiction better. Two years ago, I had the courage to make some changes, I set some boundaries and decided to do some hard work on myself, to stop me from continuing my lifestyle as a codependent.
In the last month, my mother (though still an addict), has begun to show me respect and is even respecting my boundaries. For the first time in my life, I feel like my life is drama-free……this is all I’ve wanted for the past 26 years and I’d always imagined this moment and how I thought I would savor it. Unfortunately, now it has come I don’t savor it at all, surprisingly, I don’t like it.
I don’t know how to live without her drama, without her abuse, without her putting me down. It feels uncomfortably peaceful. At my worst (in regards to this challenge), I thought about creating a drama in my life, so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Growing up with addicts was so chaotic that I learnt to live with it, I even learnt to like it. Now my next step is to learn to live without it, because I’m breaking the cycle and it starts with me.