I woke up this morning to a phone call from my Mother. These are never easy because she is an alcoholic. I limit my contact with her to one phone call per week on the weekend because of the emotional toll her addiction takes on me.
She was drunk. She started asking about some minor details about my wedding, which is in 18 months, I told her I wasn’t sure because it was 18 months away. She began to shout at me. She started saying she wanted to write the whole guest list, I told her my fiance and his family would need to invite people too (especially because his parents have paid the deposit on the venue).
I remained calm, I won’t let her triumph. She started verbally abusing me before hanging up the phone.
I was triggered. I cried. I cried because for the first 23 years of my life, I centred my life on her addiction. I cried because she used to control me so much that now she can’t, so when I stand up to her she cannot seem to cope. I cried because even though I enforce healthy boundaries, I still find it so hard. I cried for maybe two hours. But then I decided to move on.
I won’t let her triumph. She sapped the joy out of the first 23 years of my life; the next 23(+) years are mine to live, not hers to control, not hers to ruin.
I will be happy, I will be healthy, I will be autonomous. I won’t let her triumph.