I Wish I Could Let it Go

I’m cranky. I don’t want to be. I wish I could let it go.

Is this trauma? Making me permanently irritable, cranky, mad, angry?

It’s not as though I like it. It’s not as though I enjoy feeling like this. The truth is when I’m going about my day; memories from the past pop into my head. They replay.

The injustices I suffered, play out in my head and I get so angry. If I don’t change the ending of the memory in my mind, I’m angry about what happened. If I do change it, even to something where I had more power and didn’t suffer abuse, I’m still angry.

I wish I could let it go. I even thought I had for awhile but it came back.

I journal, that helps temporarily. I meditate, that helps temporarily too. But nothing seems to be able to make it go away for good. Maybe I’ll be angry forever. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe this is a part of the grief process. I don’t know but I know one thing for sure, I don’t want to be this cranky, irritable, angry girl anymore.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/cranky/

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10 thoughts on “I Wish I Could Let it Go

  1. IF you believe you can, you will be able to let it go. You will move forward. Half the battle is acknowledgement, the other half is the doing. Keep breathing, keep doing.

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  2. I was so angry for such a long time because of my illness, my inability to self-medicate as I used to. I didn’t know where to turn to, or where I turned didn’t satisfy me. But things eased over time. The anger eased. I still have little blips of anger from time to time, but it’s mostly gone. Try to live in the now and seek the healthy pleasures of life.

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  3. I guess i know what you are going through because i feel the same.
    I don’t know if this will help, but it works with me-
    Don’t run away from those memories. Don’t force youself to forget them or change them. It will only take you back to the dark space. Instead, accept them. Accept yourself WITH those memories and live with it. Soon enough you will feel better and importantly- FREE. You will be the happy girl soon.
    Be positive. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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