When I was a codependent to my parent’s addiction, one of my main motivators for being an enabler, was that I was frightened to be an outlier. I didn’t want to be detached from my family, I didn’t want to be on the “outer”.
However being an enabler and a codependent was incredibly hard work. I had to put their alcoholism before my own needs at all times. I lost thousands of dollars that they “borrowed” from me, I lost loads of sleep caring for them, I lost my whole childhood by being the adult in the family and most sadly, I ended up losing myself.
After university finished and I was working my first stressful graduate job, I really hit a wall. I couldn’t bear being anywhere near my parents and their constant lies, selfish attitudes and drama anymore. I ended up doing what I had always feared, becoming the outlier. Despite having always feared being on the outer, it ended up being the best I had ever felt. I was able to think about me and my needs, I felt free from the constraints of being a codependent. Life on the outer, I pictured to be lonely, but it’s given me so many opportunities and so much happiness.