Some Things I Wish I Didn’t Memorize


Vivid; the memory of being a toddler left in the bathtub unable to climb out because it was too high for me to reach, while my parents were passed out drunk.

Vivid, the memory of my Mum getting drunk before my school ball and all the other parents and my friends looking at me with eyes of pity, as she stumbled around the low key gathering.

Vivid, the memory of my parents drunk fighting and getting out of bed in time to see my Mum smashing a glass bottle over my Dad’s head.

Vivid, the memory of her spitting at my face one Christmas, while kicking and punching me because I said the foam on the new trampoline was squishy.

Vivid, the memory of phoning my Mum to tell her I was engaged and her responding with “you must of had to force him to agree to marrying you”.

Vivid, the memory of my Mum saying “your father doesn’t believe you had an eating disorder, he thinks you made it all up”.

Also vivid, the memory of getting engaged to my fiance six months ago, knowing that I  have formed a healthy functional and supportive relationship with an incredible guy.

Also vivid, the memory of traveling around 8 different countries, experiencing true joy and trying loads of new things, that would have made me anxious in the past.

The ability to memorize; some think it is a good thing. I’m not too sure. Does the memory of all my best moments and life’s precious things, make all life’s worse moments stuck in my memory worth it?


14 thoughts on “Some Things I Wish I Didn’t Memorize

  1. Thank you for sharing this very heartfelt missive. I’ve used my own ‘vivid’ memories to help shape my life and my love for life in the way I think it should be. I still remember but I’ve put my memories to good use by allowing myself to be loved and learning to love the way I wish I had been loved . I wish the same for you. Congratulations on your engagement to a lucky person and enjoy your travels.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s