They say ignorance is bliss, and after this week, I can’t agree more.
Two weeks ago I went to see a hypnotist. She is one of the top hypnotists in London. Not normally my cup of tea, but I’d reached a point of desperation. The trauma of growing up with two alcoholic parents and all that went with it, meant I permanently lived in a state of anxiety. Living in a state of anxiety was exhausting and I had many behaviours associated with this anxiety and trauma that I loathed about myself. I wanted to not control everything, I wanted to feel secure and not jealous, I wanted to not have symptoms of IBS, I wanted no more insomnia.
My solution was to get hypnotized for my anxiety and despite my skeptism, it worked. No more IBS, no more insomnia, decreased jealousy, and a very decreased desire to control everything.
The thing is, I was completely unaware that underneath all of these symptoms, there was a cause. When I wasn’t distracting myself with anxiety and anxiety-related behaviors, I was feeling a deep sense of inadequacy and self loathing, a deep sense of being unsafe and insecure. Because I was constantly distracted by my anxiety, I was completely unaware of all of these things.
Becoming aware of this big problem was hard. With it came a sense of sadness and a big black cloud.
Ignorance is bliss, but ignorance won’t help me to grow, so since peeling off the top layer of anxiety, I’m working on this next layer of learning to feel good about myself.
Self growth requires learning some hard truths, but the end product me, I hope, will be worth it.