It was a hard weekend for me. My fiance went out with some mates on Saturday night for some drinks. This is a perfectly normal thing to do. Unfortunately, I have not had a normal life. My parents are alcoholics and it triggered me.
If I go out with him, I feel fine because I can see him and I know there’s nothing wrong. If I’m at home (like in the weekend), I feel frightened that he will drink too much. My childhood fear and trauma of sitting at home while my parents are at the pub creeps into my mind and engulfs me. It’s a completely different situation than my childhood, yet in the moment, I cannot think logically about it, this is the nature of trauma.
Instead of beating myself up about another abnormal reaction to a normal situation all day, I’ve made a list of things that make me shine and I’m doing one “shiney” thing a week for the next six weeks. During these times, where my mental health and trauma recovery is a struggle, doing the things I love is important. I can’t make my life about the negatives and triggers, I’m choosing to plan lots of fun things to help me through this hard time. I’m overcoming trauma; I’m breaking the cycle and it starts with me.