I have goals and hopes and dreams. I start off every year with enthusiasm at achieving my goals. But somewhere in the first half of the year, the barriers to achieving my goals overtake my enthusiasm. The effects of childhood trauma get in the way.
Trauma takes its form in a lack of self confidence, anxiety, low mood, lack of self esteem, not knowing what “normal” looks like and difficulties regulating emotions. The trauma wears me down and has me feeling hopeless, focusing on the things I find difficult instead of the things I find easy; focusing on what I’m unable to do instead of what I have achieved.
Next year my only goal is to not let trauma curb my enthusiasm. Next year I’m going to keep my zest for life by being more gentle with myself. I’m going to celebrate every little step and every little achievement. I’m no longer going to expect myself to be “normal”. I didnt have a normal childhood, I’m going to struggle with things and that’s okay.
My trauma will not win, because I’m breaking the cycle and it starts with me.