Letters of Forgiveness: To My Colleague 10 Years Ago


Dear Colleague,

I worked with you ten years ago. I didn’t know you well, but something happened between us that has had an impact on me,  something that I need to release.

I want you to know that I forgive you.

I forgive you for noticing I was new to the alcohol game and a bit naive and deciding you would take advantage of that.

I forgive you for offering to “look after me” when I was very drunk after work drinks one night.

I forgive you for not driving me home the way you had said you would, but taking me to your friends house.

I forgive you for saying “I’ll take you home soon” when I asked why we were at your friends house, when you blatantly had no intention of driving me home.

I forgive you for whatever happened next (I have no memory of it), although I woke up in your arms half naked at 3am.

I forgive you for telling me I’d have to walk home if I wanted to leave, when it was dark, the middle of the night at a house I didn’t know.

I forgive you for avoiding eye contact or interaction with me for the next three months at work.

I forgive you.




Letters of Forgiveness: To My Flatmate at University


To my Flatmate at University,

When you first moved in I felt sorry for you. The other 4 of us were all good friends, and when we had a spare room and advertised it, you ended up moving in. I remember making a real effort to get to know you, seeing as you were “the stranger” in the flat. I wanted you to feel included, I thought you were brave moving into a house where you knew no one.

My boyfriend and I shared a room and he remarked that maybe you had a crush on me. I told him that was silly. Maybe I should have listened to him. 

Anyway I wanted you to know that I forgive you.

I forgive you for waiting until the one night when my boyfriend wasn’t there to make your move.

I forgive you for coming into my room in the middle of the night and for getting into my bed.

I forgive you for stroking my naked body.

I forgive you for refusing to leave when I asked you several times.

I forgive you for not respecting my boundaries.

I forgive you for walking out of my room angrily because you thought I wanted you there.

I forgive you for telling me the next day it wasn’t your fault because “you were drunk”.

I forgive you for dismissing the idea that I felt violated.

I forgive you.



Letters of Forgiveness: To the Man on the Train


To the man on the train,

I catch the train all the time, day and night. I live in London and don’t drive so the train is completely necessary. A train filled with people, surely it isn’t risky. I thought it wasn’t, that was until I met you.

I forgive you for strategically sitting next to me when there was an empty carriage and I was too busy on my phone to notice.

I forgive you for falling asleep on me, with your head on my shoulder which coincidentally moved onto my breast.

I forgive you for staying “asleep” when I tried to move you off me.

I forgive you for “waking up” and apologising so earnestly that I believed you’d  made a genuine mistake and weren’t a complete creep.

I forgive you for starting to then play with yourself and for rubbing your erection with your hand.

I forgive you for not moving out of the way properly when I panicked and tried to get off the train.

I forgive you for brushing your erection on me as I tried to brush past you.

I forgive you for oggling me as I walked away.

I forgive you for making me feel like a piece of meat.



Letters of Forgiveness: To My Ex-Boyfriend


Dear my Ex,

I remember when I first met you. You overwhelmed me with affection and love, infiltrating every broken piece of me with your charm. I was starved of attention and you gave me what I’d always craved, someone who cared about me. I fell into a deep passionate love. You became the centre of my world;  the answer to all my problems; the reason I breathed.

Things moved fast. Too fast. We met through a mutual friend and within a month were living together, talking about marriage. We were both young, 19 years young. We were both naive and we both were broken. We saw each other as “the answer to our problems”. We hurt each other so much.

Your love and affection only lasted a month before you became abusive. I didn’t know you were mistreating me because in comparison to my parents, your treatment of me was so tame. You didn’t gamble, you didn’t have an addiction, you didn’t physically abuse me but there were many other things you did….

I forgive you for pressuring me to have sex with you when I wasn’t ready, when you told me our relationship was basically a friendship if it wasn’t sexual.

I forgive you for manipulating me and threatening to break up with me every time I didn’t do what you wanted.

I forgive you for ridiculing me and criticizing me, constantly telling me people didn’t like me.

I forgive you for lying to me and messaging other girls behind my back.

I forgive you for never taking responsibility for your actions and turning all of your flaws and shortcomings into my fault.

I forgive you for going days without talking to me and giving me the silent treatment.

I forgive you for calling me crazy constantly and making remarks about my weight.

I forgive you for making promises and never keeping them.

I forgive you for cutting me off from my family.

I forgive you for stealing off me and making me pay for everything so you could “save money”, even though you had a full-time job and I was a student.



Letters of Forgiveness: Dear Dad


Dear Dad,

I forgive you.

I forgive you for being an alcoholic and being unable to admit it. I forgive you for being in denial about your addiction.

I forgive you for being unavailable to meet my needs when I was a child.

I forgive you for never saying anything positive to me and for never telling me you loved me.

I forgive you for your lies.

I forgive you for not protecting me or keeping me safe.

I forgive you for physically abusing me.

I forgive you for emotionally neglecting me.

I forgive you for making me feel worthless and rejected and like I wasn’t good enough.

I forgive you for encouraging me to be am enabler and a codependent.

I forgive you.


Letters of Forgiveness: Dear Mum


Dear Mum,

I forgive you.

I forgive you for not being the mother I needed.

I forgive you for not making me feel safe and secure.

I forgive you for being an alcoholic and always choosing alcohol over me.

I forgive you for being in denial about your addiction.

I forgive you for projecting all of your insecurities onto me.

I forgive you for verbally, emotionally and physically abusing me.

I forgive you for manipulating me with money, affection and love.

I forgive you for being a narcissist.

I forgive you for not being the mother my brothers needed.

I forgive you.



Socialisation: On the Back Foot


At school, I was not very popular. I was a really weird kid, with terrible social skills.

My Mother and Father are both alcoholics and spent the majority of my formative years drunk.

During my degree at University, I took a class on child development. Something I read stood out to me;  children in their early years learn their social skills from their parents. Well, what if your parents were always drunk? My social skills early on, were therefore a bit “off”….

-I used to repeat the same sentence or story over and over in the space of a few minutes because that’s what I saw at home. Teacher’s and my peers found this very odd.

-I had no boundaries and would talk about personal and inappropriate things because again, that’s what I’d seen my parent’s do.

-I used to laugh at things that weren’t funny to anyone else.

-I used to be physically and verbally aggressive and was genuinely surprised when I got told off at school; because I saw it home, I had no idea it was wrong.

-I used to shout, instead of talk. Teachers thought I might be deaf, turns out I was just mirroring drunk behaviour.

Unfortunately my lack of social skills really put me on the back foot. Because I was so strange, I was bullied. I therefore felt rejected. I had no idea as to why people didn’t like me, all I did was what I thought was normal behavior. I think as society we underestimate the huge impact alcohol and drug use, particularly addictions, can have on children.

I had to learn social skills as an adolescent, when I finally clicked my parents weren’t actually normal and neither was their drinking. This in itself was a huge challenge, I was teaching myself things as a teenager most people learn from their parents, as toddlers.